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How to put myself first?

These past few hours a small thing (maybe something that looks not important) keep follow me, it feel heavy inside me, like a shadow i cannot leave, the more i try to forget, the more it press me.  This is about the sadness of being misunderstood, the pain when someone think bad of me, when someone judge me low, while me..  i never (not even one second) think bad about him.  Behind all of this i was preparing something maybe simple (but for me it is big) a small surprise. that i build by saving money for months, by stopping myself from buying things, by holding my own wishes, only to make a holiday together with this person, a happiness i thought we can share  :( But how can i explain this hurt, when what he see in me is only suspicion, that i do everything just for myself but it is not true at all.  At the end the truth hit me that we are not equal ; he look down on me while i put him too high, too high like i worship him.  I feel angry and i feel disappoi...
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A Bittersweet Radiance from Indonesia


Three days have passed since this rare celestial phenomenon occurred between one time and another, my sadness has not yet faded because when the world was filled with the enthusiasm of earthlings for this rare celestial event, my heart fell silent in a heavy realization, I could not witness it. 

the stunning beauty of the solar eclipse.


A total solar eclipse is taking place on Monday, April 8 2024, visible across North America and dubbed the Great North American Eclipse by some media.

According to wikipedia the totality of the solar eclipse will be visible in a narrow strip on the Pacific Ocean passing 230 miles (370 km) north of the Marquesas Islands and later in North America, beginning at the Pacific coast, then ascending in a northeasterly direction through Mexico, the United States, and Canada, before ending in the Atlantic Ocean. [5]

My geographical location puts me at a disadvantage, where this celestial spectacle is beyond my reach due to the time zone difference.


The solar eclipse, dancing so mesmerizingly between the sun, moon and earth, has captivated me via the screen.


Unable to experience the phenomenon myself, I turned to another world that we can all explore in the hope of catching a glimpse of the eclipse on the screen online. despite the high-definition images and expert commentary, nothing can match the feeling of witnessing such a heavenly event in person


The many media that to this day still pass by on my veranda provide photos or videos of the eclipse when it reaches its peak, reminding me a little of the regret that pricks my heart. 

This missed opportunity touched my fragile soul deeply


but there's no point in me being sad, I find solace in realizing that even though I may have missed this eclipse, the universe is vast and ever-changing, it still offers countless wonders that I have yet to discover and am certainly ready to discover. 

Although I did not witness the total solar eclipse on April 8, I hope that future celestial events will give me the opportunity to once again admire

I am glad of being able to spend my present time in Indonesia

I am ready to appreciate every moment of the sky against the wonders of the universe.


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