Skip to main content

Featured

How to put myself first?

These past few hours a small thing (maybe something that looks not important) keep follow me, it feel heavy inside me, like a shadow i cannot leave, the more i try to forget, the more it press me.  This is about the sadness of being misunderstood, the pain when someone think bad of me, when someone judge me low, while me..  i never (not even one second) think bad about him.  Behind all of this i was preparing something maybe simple (but for me it is big) a small surprise. that i build by saving money for months, by stopping myself from buying things, by holding my own wishes, only to make a holiday together with this person, a happiness i thought we can share  :( But how can i explain this hurt, when what he see in me is only suspicion, that i do everything just for myself but it is not true at all.  At the end the truth hit me that we are not equal ; he look down on me while i put him too high, too high like i worship him.  I feel angry and i feel disappoi...

Happy bday

 I've been feeling anxious lately 

struggling with feeling not enough for someone i really care about :(

felt like everything deficient, nothing seems goes right, no matter how hard i tried, its like universe had other plans for me, pushing me into frustration and wait till moment pass.


but i remember that i have this special person that always present. 

and it really really matter




2 days ago - 18th of September 

That night he came all the way accross the city after work just to see me (so lovely)

we had sushi in bintaro as our dinner and grab some tea at mcd.

i opened up about my feeling unsure if i was enough and ask for thoughts ofcourse 

gave him some time for reassurance for his response and discuss what best for us.


Yesterday - 19th of September

The weather was perfect a gentle breez and clear skies.

but my heart was felt like there a storm inside.

As usual my man was busy for his work (my charismatic man) 

and he invited me for his bday event at his house, 

but i couldnt shake the guilt cuz i feel bad for everyhting especially for being me :(

so instead we have some perfectly deal that i came to grand indonesia, he had some corporate dinner there so we can met early and we can blow out the candle and make a wish together.

he can handle me well even when no one else can.


Happy birthday to the most perfect person i know 

wishes you all the best 

and may the wishes we made while blowing out the candle this year come thru

i cant wait to celebrate the years come with you and

i am sorry i haven't been the best version of my self but i will keep up striving






Comments

Popular Posts