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How to put myself first?

These past few hours a small thing (maybe something that looks not important) keep follow me, it feel heavy inside me, like a shadow i cannot leave, the more i try to forget, the more it press me.  This is about the sadness of being misunderstood, the pain when someone think bad of me, when someone judge me low, while me..  i never (not even one second) think bad about him.  Behind all of this i was preparing something maybe simple (but for me it is big) a small surprise. that i build by saving money for months, by stopping myself from buying things, by holding my own wishes, only to make a holiday together with this person, a happiness i thought we can share  :( But how can i explain this hurt, when what he see in me is only suspicion, that i do everything just for myself but it is not true at all.  At the end the truth hit me that we are not equal ; he look down on me while i put him too high, too high like i worship him.  I feel angry and i feel disappoi...

A Quiet Story on an Ordinary Day

Today felt like one of those really good days, nothing big happened, really—but somehow, all the little things came together and made me feel calm, and grateful.

This morning i got up and got ready for a doctor’s appointment, after that, i had a zoom call with an old friend, she asked me to be a guest speaker for her thesis interview, i didn’t want to do it from home, so i decided to take a little walk and find a random café near my house and you know? i picked the one that looked the quietest and woww, it turned out to be really cozy and peaceful, just perfect for a cup of tea and a little escape from the world.

And you know what? the highlight of my day wasn’t just finding that nice little spot, it was being able to reconnect with my bestfriend, even though it was justvidcall through zoom, it still felt warm and soo close, we don’t talk every day, but every time we do, it’s like no time has passed at all.

She is one of the friends who stay close even when life gets busy.

I love all of my friends, they always give love and support, i’m so grateful for them, they’re consistently kind to me, and always make me feel like i can come home, i really love them.

But the day didn’t stop there, after the café, i stopped by a nearby bookstore and finally bought a book i’ve been wanting to read for so long: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. 

I ended up reading the whole book in one sitting at my favorite donut café with a piece of donut and a glass of cold drink.

The book isn’t just about chasing my dreams—it’s about something deeper, it tells the story of a traveler who chooses to follow the signs from his dreams, what really spoke to me is how much of his journey reflected my own thoughts and experiences, some parts of the story made me realize things i’ve been ignoring in my own life.

What i love about The Alchemist is how it doesn’t try to loudly motivate me—it just gently invites me to slow down and reflect, there are quiet messages and small symbols in every chapter, and one thing that’s super interesting: there are stories from different religions subtly woven in, (like the one about a man who was thrown into a well, then later became a great dream interpreter) if you know those stories, you’ll smile when you spot them, it’s like a hidden treasure in the middle of the story.




In the end, i realized: sometimes i get so caught up chasing big goals that i forget small things—like catching up with an old friend, sitting alone in a quiet café, reading a meaningful book, or eating a warm chocolate donut alone—can also bring real happiness.

Today might have looked ordinary but i went home with a full heart.

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