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How to put myself first?

These past few hours a small thing (maybe something that looks not important) keep follow me, it feel heavy inside me, like a shadow i cannot leave, the more i try to forget, the more it press me.  This is about the sadness of being misunderstood, the pain when someone think bad of me, when someone judge me low, while me..  i never (not even one second) think bad about him.  Behind all of this i was preparing something maybe simple (but for me it is big) a small surprise. that i build by saving money for months, by stopping myself from buying things, by holding my own wishes, only to make a holiday together with this person, a happiness i thought we can share  :( But how can i explain this hurt, when what he see in me is only suspicion, that i do everything just for myself but it is not true at all.  At the end the truth hit me that we are not equal ; he look down on me while i put him too high, too high like i worship him.  I feel angry and i feel disappoi...

When the Moon Hides, My Heart Glows

The moon was supposed to show itself tonight, but the sky is too cloudy, as if it's hiding, the night wind feels normal ;not too cold not too warm, last night everyone was talking about the beautiful Strawberry Moon but tonight it seems shy and doesn’t want to appear.

There was actually a funny little moment from last night, my partner and i went on a night drive together, while we were driving, we saw the moon shining beautifully in the sky, we both admired it and said how pretty it looked, but we didn’t talk much more about it and we just enjoyed the view in silence.

Then earlier this evening (many hours later) he suddenly told me that his friends also mentioned how beautiful the moon looked last night, at that exact moment, i also saw news online about the Strawberry Moon, for some reason i found it really funny, i guess it was because we had our own little moon moment without realizing it was actually a special one.


Even though the moon is hiding behind the clouds tonight, my heart still feels bright—filled with gratitude and joy.

It’s almost midnight now and i’m getting ready for something i’ll do early tomorrow morning, i’m packing some of my daily essentials into smaller containers ; like soap, shampoo, conditioner, and lotion, i’ve also prepared a towel and a set of clothes, i’ll be exercising tomorrow morning.

This week i’ve spent almost every weekday doing workouts.




Trying something new isn’t always easy but it can be fun, it takes real motivation to build a new habit, at first i only did light stretching at home, some movements looked easy and felt familiar because i had been practicing them every day with help from online coaches, but now i get the chance to learn directly from people who really understand this field.


I feel very lucky because my partner fully supports and encourages me, he keeps teaching me new things and lets me explore his world, where the gym and a healthy lifestyle are a big part of who he is, i know he’s very great at this and now he’s helping me build good habits too, i am really thankful for everything about him, his presence in my life is a beautiful gift and i feel truly happy.


I hope that by starting this gym journey, i can become more disciplined, healthier, and stronger both physically and mentally, i want to take better care of myself, build confidence, and stay consistent, one step at a time, i believe this new habit will lead me to a better version of myself.

And of course i also hope this journey brings me and my partner even closer, helping us grow stronger together and deepening the beautiful connection we already have <3


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